That was the idea in my head. Was it a good idea? I don't know. Was it a bad idea? Still, I don't know. Was it an idea? Yes. Hell yes. I'm the kind of person that just thinks of something random and then does it the next second, and now I have "Current Events: The Musical!" to keep up with. A pretty smart move since I already use 1/3 of my day on Facebook, and the other 2/3 on other websites. Maybe most of them are about the lolcatz. I'll let you decide.
One thing I love the most is poking fun at current events and peoples' scandals. Others' blogs seem to talk about current events a lot, so I thought I would make one, except this one will be a little more satirical than the others. Or I say it's satirical and it just ends up being a stupid waste of time; that's why I'll need your feedback. Your feedback (*cough* and some mone--) Huh? What was that?
A long time ago, some Italian dude came to this land, conquered it from the strange forces that ruled over it, called the land his own and traveled back to a kingdom where much celebrating commenced. Enough about Mario, though; let's talk about Christopher Columbus. Now, Chris Columbus was a miraculous man. After years of hardship,he put together a crew to prove to his higher power that he could achieve the near impossible; he was determined to direct the first two Harry Potter films.
One thing I love the most is poking fun at current events and peoples' scandals. Others' blogs seem to talk about current events a lot, so I thought I would make one, except this one will be a little more satirical than the others. Or I say it's satirical and it just ends up being a stupid waste of time; that's why I'll need your feedback. Your feedback (*cough* and some mone--) Huh? What was that?
WE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S COLUMBUS DAY
A long time ago, some Italian dude came to this land, conquered it from the strange forces that ruled over it, called the land his own and traveled back to a kingdom where much celebrating commenced. Enough about Mario, though; let's talk about Christopher Columbus. Now, Chris Columbus was a miraculous man. After years of hardship,he put together a crew to prove to his higher power that he could achieve the near impossible; he was determined to direct the first two Harry Potter films.
Wait, what?! That's still not the right person? UGH!
Okay, I may not know a lot about the REAL Christopher Columbus, but what I do know is this...Many colleges, mine included, do not count Columbus Day as a real holiday, and still have normal class days. Did you see that? Columbus Day is NOT a real holiday!!! I don't know about you, but I believe that from the moment Columbus found this land, our citizens have respected America's values of freedom, happiness, and finding more excuses to be lazier than they already are. As an American who follows these three virtues religiously, I have a proposition to make Columbus Day an American tradition--
-CREATING COLUMBUS DAY TRADITIONS-
First, what makes Christmas so special? I mean, really, our Savior was born in humble beginnings, grew up and walked everywhere to encourage others to travel with him to an unknown land, and eventually got to call a whole country as his own that would soon influence all of the other countries around the globe. Sound familiar, Anti-Columbians?! Columbus Day is not that much different from Christmas. Just look at these similarities if I tweak Christmas traditions a little bit to become Columbus related:
1. "Merry Christ-opher-mas!"
2. Santa Maria
3. Joy to the World (is Flat)
People, it's time we make a stand and tell the leaders of America that we need a well-deserved break from doing everything half-assed! Let's go door-to-door singing about Columbus's joy and how it was spread throughout the land (because he got rid of those miserable foreigners! Geez, how could they ever be happy?!) It's time to open our hearts, and let Christopher Columbus invade it as well. Speaking of invasions...
WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER STOPS THE ARGUING
Before we get into this, let me be the first to say that major corporations really have gone too far as of late. Even in today's economy, they keep on trying to make the less fortunate pay more for things by using cheap tactics like product placement, and I think that's downright unfair.
Middle of the blog means break time! Let's get a nice, cold, refreshing yet uplifting beverage.
It's American to protest against something that's wrong. However, I was reading an article on CNN's website today, and happened to notice this headline:
"PARENTS GET CHILDREN TO START PROTESTING"
...okay, now things are getting real. Look at it this way; children really do control a huge sector of the economy. If Lil' Johnny Rockefeller were alive today, he'd blow it all on Disney and lollipops. Children also have a way of getting people to spend on their items just by looking cute and expressing some swagger. Hello! Do I see a mini-sex appeal?
50 cents for one cup of lemonade?! Little Wally Martin is selling the same thing for 49 cents, you cheap, good-for-nothing @$%&#!!!
Yes, let our kids protest the thing they love the most: an extraordinary gap between the rich and the poor that leads to extreme violence on the streets of New York! After all, I know that my little cousin Tommy can't go to bed without hearing a bedtime story about it. Such a sweet child.
There really are a lot of people protesting Wall Street. And by a lot, I mean, A LOT. Like a bajillion, or at least that's what a fox told me. How will America become a united nation again? Who will propose a plan that will get us out of this? Clip on your suspenders, my Larry Kings, because I propose a genius plan that will knock everybody off their feet:
MAKE A CORPORATION OF PROTESTERS
Because the "Inc." means "IroNiC," right? Instead of just moving for a more socialist government, why don't we just heavily invest in socialism while still retaining a capitalist economic cycle? It's sheer brilliance! The new socialist corporation will have plenty of stocks to invest in, such as Sharpies, every cardboard box manufacturer to provide something to write on, and not to mention Five-Hour Energy for a tough day of disagreeing!
Capitalism is powered by fear, but once you get to know it, it's actually nice enough to protect your daughter from other stuff. Like totalitarianism! (Boo! (For totalitarianism, that is. Not the girl in the movie (Can you do this with parenthesis?)))
So you have my proposition to bring more neutrality to this country. An ironic corporation that invests heavily in making America more socialist while other corporations are competing against it. If you ask me, it's the best idea I've heard in five years. However, my second option was bringing Christopher Columbus back and taking over the big name corporations under his power, but he's too busy making a holiday for himself. Last time I saw him, he was preparing "Rodolfo, el Reno Nariz Roja" for his next trip.
FINAL THOUGHTS
And there you have it! My first blog! I sure hope that it didn't get too serious for you. I know I touched on some sensitive subjects, but I'm sure Lucy's 50 cent lemonade stand will last longer than expected. Or maybe it will last as long as her time-out is going right now. Hey, don't look at me like that! She was putting in some absurd investments!!!
If you'd like to know more about me, please visit my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/yates.trey for more humorous and current updates on U.S. scandal and pop culture. You can also follow me on Twitter by searching for @treyyates. And please, if you could tell more of your friends about this blog, that would be fantastic! Our goal is to make Mark Zuckerburg jealous, and we all know that shouldn't be too hard, am I right?
Also, I'm looking for a catch phrase to end all of my posts. I'll leave this up to the audience! Think of the most awesome, or most inspiring, or dare I say most disgusting catch phrase ever and we'll see who wins! Until the next post...
Catch phrase!
